All Saints’ Sunday - Revelation and Matthew
Blessed are you when you mourn, for you shall be comforted…
Those of you who feel the lowest of the low—Jesus says: I see you, I honor you, you are part of God’s dream, God’s family, God’s circle of love and support
Some of you know that I celebrated a milestone birthday recently and with that milestone, I have been cleaning—filling bins and bins of recycling with those things I no longer need from the first 50 years, making open space for what is to come. One of my inspirations in this process has been the little series (inspired by the book with the same name) The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.[1]
In each of the 8 episodes, a team of death cleaners – an organizer, a designer, a psychologist – they go into a person’s home to help them deal with their stuff (something that they want to do and need help to do because someone in their life has died and left them too much stuff to deal with… or because they are facing their own death and want to live more freely and comfortably in the time they have left).
This show is funny, at times gently poking fun at things that Americans keep, and a source of so many heart-expanding moments. At least once every episode, they remind the people that they are helping that their loved ones are present with them. There is a saying goodbye that is involved but getting rid of excess stuff is not getting rid of the beautiful memories and experiences, or their love for their person.
What I’ve been learning more deeply as I watch it is that Americans apologize constantly for crying… every single person has deep wells of grief but doesn’t feel permission to cry.
When they get permission to cry, you can see the healing that takes place.
Good tears—Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals help people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being. It also can help you get support from others.[2]
Another thing I’ve learned – “You need to be supported to let go. When we have support, we are able to go so much farther than on our own.”
Kat, the psychologist on the show, is so kind and gentle and when she met with a woman, Shana, who was both keeping her friends at a distance and trying to find a way to talk with her close friends about her cancer, Kat showed her two acro yoga poses – one called the Titanic pose where she leaned far forward with the person holding her so she would not fall. The second looks like an airplane pose—the teacher holding the other on her feet like Shana is flying, a pose she describes as “super scary yet kind of freeing.” They have a conversation about how Shana wants to develop trust, courage… and Kat shares how that’s possible when there is that high level of support. “You need to be supported to let go. When we have support, we are able to go so much farther than on our own.”
A third learning—what’s loved has to be released. When we try to hold on to everything, we lose what matters. Family after family featured in this little series learns that their lives are the gift from relatives—not the stuff—and they can love items enough to let them go so that they can have a new use in another way.
There are so many practices of self-compassion that go right alongside the letting go – here’s one exercise for us to try in community today.
1) Take a deep breath and recognize the pain you are carrying. You really tried your best and it still wasn’t possible to save these loved ones from death.
2) Having these painful experiences is part of being human. Let yourself know that you are seen and understood and cared for.
3) As scary as it was, put your hand on your heart and remember -
I am here for you.
I know what you’ve been through.
I will listen.
I will make space.
Because you are very important to me.
In the context of the show—these are words that in self-compassion, you say them to yourself.
In the context of Christian community—these are words that God (within and around us) says to us, that we say to one another and yes, that we can say to ourselves.
I am here for you. I know what you’ve been through.
I will listen. I will make space. Because you are very important to me.
For the past five years, since our 150th Anniversary, our congregation has had many losses. In your own circles of love and connection, you all have had even more losses, and part of the practice of this day is not only to remember and acknowledge out loud that we remember, that we are sad and miss them but to not get stuck here.
Jesus looks at those who are grieving, who are outsiders, who are marginalized and suffering, and Jesus reminds them how they are also blessed. It’s not only a future prediction but it’s to bring new life in the present.
If we are stuck beneath a mountain of stuff (literally or emotionally or spiritually) that represent our unprocessed grief—because our life has changed and we just haven’t had the support to deal with it—how can we invite in a circle of friends to help us?
For me, it has been an incredibly freeing thing not only to see how they transform spaces together but how they are working on the inner spaces… and how at the end of every episode, there is a celebration. Often, it’s a dinner with candles and loved ones, good food and stories, and together we remember again that this is a vision of the life that God dreams for us.
Today, we too have candles… and we will light more. We remember and cry healing tears. We gather around a table where Jesus is the host, sharing who God is in the bread and cup, making us into a circle of friends who are here to help and support. And today we especially remember that those gathering with us include the whole communion of saints, a cloud of witnesses, with Christ as the center who guides them to springs of the water of life, and who with gentle compassion, when healing is complete, wipes away every tear from their eyes.
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